Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Much needed catch up

I know it has been way to long. I have been busy with life, which is good. As progress continues I have noticed a few things. First, there is no need to stress over same gender attraction. Though, it is a critical part of my life, constance stress over it does not help. I need to continue with life and strive to live well. Through this journey I have gone in stages.

First denial. During the denial stage I would have really really really strong feelings for men that came at complete surprise. The surprise was follow by fear then the denial of these feelings until I had convinced myself that they had not happened(repeated over and over).

Then came the next stage, confrontation. I realized that after constant denial and reoccurrence of feelings that these feelings weren't going to go a way and some how I had to deal with them if I was going to live the life I wanted(heterosexuality). This stage was filled with all kinds of emotions and feelings: hope, despair, fear, stronger attractions, etc.

Then started to what I call the information staged. I started to inform myself of the possibility of real change. I read about the success of others and truly decided that I was going to fight for and commit wholly to heterosexuality and and never look back.

The next stage I call the exploration stage where I explored the rhyme and reason behind my individual homosexuality and explored the possibility of how these attractions developed in me personally. Up to this point the idea of homosexuality seemed to constantly weighing on the mind in varying degrees(most heavily during the information stage). Even if I wasn't experiencing attractions, thoughts were constantly running through my mind like, "What would my family think?", "What does my future hold?" etc. etc.

This next stage is the stage I am in now and have been for a long time. I call it the progress stage. At this point the constant weighing on the mind has disappeared. I still think about it but not often and not with the same high level of anxiety. It's a nice relief. I have a clearer vision, greater faith and more resolve. In this stage I am changing, developing and becoming a more centered person. Homosexuality is not on the for front, life is. The change and progress has been amazing but it takes time. I can't just pull an all-nighter and get it over with. Just like brushing your teeth for and hour at the end of the month does not make up for lack brushing throughout the month.

So this is where I am at. Some times the progress seems to stand still and I get frustrated then without notice it takes a big leap.

I am doing well. Thank you for the many emails, prayers and well wishes. As always, more to come. -Justin

37 comments:

  1. Hey man! I have been reading your posts and I am quite inspired!, I am in the same quest that you are and today was not a good day for me. One of those gray times when despite much effort I am wondering if I can win this fight... But I know I won't stop trying! I am glad you are making progress, good luck!

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  2. Ok just for your guys info being gay is genetic ok when you still have those sexual thoughts thats cause your gay and always will be. I was once in that stage of denial and would look for help at church and there was a time that i tried to turn my self straight until i relized that i still had these thoughts and i discovered you cant cgange your sexual orientation. You guys need to stop being FAKE and just be yoyr selfs and if you dont believe me do some research scientist have done studies and results say that is from birth and unchangable and theres nothing wrong with that .

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    1. I seriously doubt gay is genetic because it's not a fit trait. Gay couples cannot procreate, so any genetic info they have cannot be passed to an offspring (at least that's how it was until IVF and surrogates, etc.). No gene has yet been identified and "gay" doesn't follow any models of inheritance. But (and this is to Justin), Being gay is still legitimate. Gay people should be treated with respect for a more fundamental reason - because they're people. Be gay, be yourself, stop listening to people who want you to be someone else.

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  3. Being gay is normal and unchangable.

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    1. Hey it's changeable if anyone is really determined! If you are happy with your life then stuck with it but DON'T demoralize others!

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  4. You can not change your sexual orientation nether can prayers

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    1. Lol HA HA HA, it is so funny how you come on here talking shit when you have no idea what this dude is going through yet how he is really doing and over coming, also prayer does help and works and heals, when you see someone on their death bed and their was no chance they had of living and you start to cry out to God to please help and all of a sudden they wake up and become 100 percent better, u would then maybe believe, been there done it, so fuck off and go rain on someone else's party!

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    2. Right on bro, let them know whats up, ha ha and that's an awesome story about how prayer worked in your life!

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    3. PRAISE! AMEN! THANK U JESUS! Guess y'all heard that!

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    4. you are sick! if you don't like Justin's posts then why are you here? Let us live and follow our dreams! May God forgive you.

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  5. You cant change your sexual orientation like for example when did a straight person choose to become straight? Which was never they were born straight so thats how it is for us when did we choose to have gay thoughts? Which was never because we wete born gay and thats unchangable.

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  6. Being gay is ok and normal just how being straight is ok and normal

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  7. Every time I'm riminded that I will go to hell if I'm gay, I've tried to come to terms with this and I have but that cloud still hovers over my thoughts. Im realizing that just like we can't control when we get mad happy sad or even envyis, we also can't control who we are attracted to. I believe god know how we truly feel deep deep inside and he will understand why we are how we are. @jcunknown

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    1. I hope your right buddy cuz its so hard to change! :/

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    2. it's hard. But we can do it.

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  8. Justin,
    Be gay. You'll be happier. Are you happy right now? I'm sure your first reaction is "yes, I am - you have no idea who I am". I don't care what your answer is, but I don't see how you could be happy pretending to be something you're not. It's an answer you owe yourself, not me. You don't have to give up your beliefs either - there are a lot of gay christians out there. Do yourself a favor - seek them out and talk to them. Find out how they reconcile their homosexuality with their faith. You don't have to agree with them, but at least find out if they have any useful answers. Don't listen to people who tell you you're a sick person, or that you're a pervert or that you're not normal. You say you're stuck in a state of progress? I have a feeling that what you're calling "progress" is actually resignation, that you'll never fall in love, that you can never be what you are "supposed to be", resignation that you have failed someone or something simply because of who you are, which was not your choice. Justin, just be gay - it's who you are. Pretending you're not gay isn't the same as not being gay. You're normal and you're probably a good person, and you deserve to be happy.

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    1. Justin don't listen . Many people will tell you that you can't change it as they have told me. Don't listen to them and follow your own path. You have a heavenly power and you can do it Justin! Don't allow these pessimists to comment on your blogs! Jesus loves you.

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    2. That's right, Justin - don't listen to people who tell you you're a good person. You're a pervert. You're a sinner. You're a horrible person who does not deserve to live. You are worthless because of the feelings you have that you cannot control.
      Cheers,
      Matt

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  9. I admire you Justin. It is hard to find somebody who does understand that a lifestyle is a choice. I encourage your journey

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  10. Of course "lifestyle" is a choice! You can pretend to be anyone you want. But at the end of the day, when Justin takes off the straight hat, he'll still be gay. Why do you admire him for pretending to be straight, exactly?

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  11. From a Christian perspective, none of us get to choose our temptations, only how we respond to them. God's Word forbids sexual sin of any kind, so the statement that "there are lots of gay Christians" is accurate but the implication is wrong. A victorious Christian does not rely on his/her own power to overcome. Neither will he/she be absolutely sinless in this life. That does not preclude the necessity to strive to live a Gidly life and lifestyle. I pray God gives you continued progress and victory over self...which is what all who claim the name of Christ are to do.

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  12. Well, being gay is not genetic but inflluenced by one's disposition and environment they grew up in. There is no proof in genetics so one cannot draw any conclusions on that. Never seen such a desire for proof to bbe created by lies about factual evidence that simply is not there. Where is the proof in the nurture aspect? Well of the APA would get away from ther self-concious ways and worring about what society thinks of them maybe they could start proper research on the subject. If one knew of all the thousands of testimonials out there of what people have gond through combined often with a sensitive nature they would find that one's life experiences play a huge part, and 1 or 2 people out there that have stereotypical heterosexual nurturing experiences that turn gay do not dissprove the nature theory. Yes it is only a theory, but from my experience as I am one more who had a poor childhood in relation to the proper nurturing I needed to develop into a hetero man, I know I am one more piece of evidence in the nurture realm.

    The fact it is unchangeable proves nothing, and proof that nothing can change is not there anyway. My frustration is that, no it might not change for me, and I can't do anything to change the circumstances that brought me here.

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  13. Wow It's funny how uneducated these people are there is several problems with homosexuality being "normal" starting off lets look at our anatomy we were made to procreate point blank the anus was not designed to take the damaging force of anal intercourse that's why there are multiple health problems associated with anal sex including cancer. If it were genetic it would have been bred out long ago. Many homosexual scientist have done studies trying to find something to support the born that way theory and then they published things saying that they did find a gene or brain differences and then they got in trouble for lying about there findings as well as non of there findings have been able to be duplicated and if it's so unchangeable please explain why women are more fluid in there sexuality and why there's tons of stories from the gay community about gay men living with gay women and engage in sex almost regularly or out gay guys meeting a woman and then saying there going back in the closet for that woman because there attracted to them and in love There is more evidence of it being a nurture issue which makes since. There's also facts something like 35% of homosexual males were molested compared to 2% of heterosexual males which also explains why homosexual men are more likely to molest also another issue is there would be a higher occurrence of homosexuality if it were normal yea only 3.5% of our population is hmm compared to what the public thins which they think it's about 25% and if you believe anything the spa puts out shame on you there decision to make homosexuality not a disease was pretty much forced do to pressure from the homosexual community as well as infiltration into the apa by homosexuals don't believe a word they say this is the same organization who put out a memo saying there is no damaging effects off child molestation and it's only a problem if it bothers you yea they were order to retract that statement after they were slapped in the face with cold hard facts. The homosexuals got this far by playing the victim card as well as are ever growing extremely liberal government with its politically correct bullshit well I'm sorry if facts offend you it's not NORMAL!!! The real victims are people like this man and if he decides he doesn't want to be gay or engage in that lifestyle he has every right to and should be supported what ever his reason may be so don't listen to these uneducated idiots who will believe anything fox news puts on they have been brainwashed from an early age I pray everyday for a cure to this disease I know you do not choose to feel the way you do but Atleast your fighting it and I hope you never loose the battle I will be constantly checking this website for updates.

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  14. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. -Matthew 7:7

    We can do anything with Him who gives us strength, Justin. Believe in Him and trust in Him. The Lord does not place obstacles in your way that you cannot overcome. You can do it with the help of our Lord.

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  15. 1. SUE YOUR THERAPIST!!! CLEARLY YOU'RE GAY, YOUR WRITING IS GAY, YOUR BLOG HAS A GAY DESIGN, AND YOU DIG DUDES!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CONFUSED ABOUT??? GO HAVE A WILD GAY OLD TIME!!!

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    1. Its not the right place for you. It's for people who are not privileged for a serious problem and seek others help. You don't have any right to demoralize others!

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  16. Honestly those of you who are not going through this don't know how hard it is. I'm a 21 year old male struggling with my sexuality. Unlike Justin here I'm attracted to both male and females. I wish there was a way to stop being attracted to men. I pray and ask God to please make it stop but my prayers are never answered. I've become completely antisocial, caging myself inside this four walls, and as soon as I notice a girl start to like me I completely shut down because I feel guilty at the fact that I may end up hurting her with this secret. I simply don't feel like I'm a true man deserving of a woman. I have thought about suicide every freaking day since my early teenage years to finally get relief from this curse but being the only male child I know I will hurt my mother a lot. Her only male child turned out to be semi-homo. What a joke. She doesnt know it but sometimes I think she suspects it. There is something that I'm doing right now that will benefit her. After its finished, I have decided to end my life. The date is set and theres really nothing that can change my mind. I really hope a cure can be found one day.

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  17. To the guy from the last comment I am in the exact same situation its horrible and your right all these people here who say your gay just be gay you'll be happier they have no gucking clue and I'm afraid of getting in relationships to cause I don't want to hurt some girl who deserves more and I hate the fact that I don't feel like a man that's all I want is to feel like a man it's not even a social thing I'm scared off or worried about its about how it makes me feel inside and it doesn't help that I have OCD so Its all I think about all these liberals and homosexual advocates make me sick I also pray for a cure everyday as well don't kill yourself it's not the answer fight back we can get research done if we do the same thing the homosexual advocates did and play the victim card and make people feel sorry for us and another thing that gives me hope is there is stories of gay men out of the closet that find women and end up getting married to them because they fall in love with th keep your head up man and just know there's other people in this fight with you and don't listen to the stupid people that have no idea the pain your going through

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    1. Punctuate your sentences! You make no sense man!

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  18. We shouldn't give up man! we can do it! Justin's posts are so inspiring! It's hard to have such a determination..but nothing is impossible if we WANT IT!
    @ Justin : where are you buddy? we need your help! you can do it! maybe the process is slow...but you can do it! You are our inspiration! please come back!

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  19. Hey Justin, have you ever tried yoga or meditation? It's extreemly calming and helps you grow spiritually. I think this might help you.

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    1. Yes, Priscilla. Yoga will cure his gay.

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  20. People (not judging, just speaking truth and from experience) have a hard time acknowledging and accepting their faults, giving them to the Creator to deal with, and thanking Him for even giving you the GIFT of actually having a conscience to wonna turn to Him, and change your way! See no one is perfect, and all have and will fall short of the Most High glory, but when we go to the Messiyah and recieve Him we are made perfect through His shedding of blood! And don't think its going to be easy because How could it be? the Messiyah had to suffer and He nevered sinned so why would you have the audacity to think that suffering want come upon us when we sin everyday knowing and unknowingly. All im saying is that be happy when you are being tested by the enemy and He's using one of His illusions and deceitful schemes, if you stray away from His attack that mean you are 1Step closer to predestined salvation. Say SO WHAY to your faults - when you recognise them, accept, ask Him to remove em, and fight it that means Your Winning The Battle!
    -Brain Food

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  21. People (not judging, just speaking truth and from experience) have a hard time acknowledging and accepting their faults, giving them to the Creator to deal with, and thanking Him for even giving you the GIFT of actually having a conscience to wonna turn to Him, and change your way! See no one is perfect, and all have and will fall short of the Most High glory, but when we go to the Messiyah and recieve Him we are made perfect through His shedding of blood! And don't think its going to be easy because How could it be? the Messiyah had to suffer and He nevered sinned so why would you have the audacity to think that suffering want come upon us when we sin everyday knowing and unknowingly. All im saying is that be happy when you are being tested by the enemy and He's using one of His illusions and deceitful schemes, if you stray away from His attack that mean you are 1Step closer to predestined salvation. Say SO WHAY to your faults - when you recognise them, accept, ask Him to remove em, and fight it that means Your Winning The Battle!
    -Brain Food

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  22. Religion is poison...

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  23. Your mother is poison this country we live in was founded on religion you remember? Like when people had morales as you can see with everybody putting religion things are just getting darker and darker

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